Monday, October 26, 2009

Only 5 :(

Well, it looks like we only have 5 follicles this time around. Needless to say, we aren't real pleased with the news. I just feel like we can't EVER catch a break. Of course the doctor said how shocked he was and blah blah blah - but really it's us, and of late I have come to expect nothing less. Right now we are just praying and hoping for the best. Trigger tonight, ER on Wednesday. I really pray that they are able to fertilize all 5 (maybe 6) and that all of them continue to grow and split normally and that they all become perfect blasts. So, we'll see.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Cycle Update

OK - so we started stims on Saturday and had a doctors appt yesterday (Monday) to check the estrogen levels and - woot! woot! - we are at 142, which the nurse said was very good :) I go back to the doctor again tomorrow (Wednesday) for more testing - hopefully everything continues to be perfect! As of now - we are still on target with our ER next Wednesday (10/28) and our ET on 11/2. I am hoping to be able to give Jason the best 30th b-day gift EVER! Of course his b-day is on Thursday - but this one will be worth the wait! Fingers crossed and many prayers!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Round 2 is Underway!

Yup - you read correctly - round two of IVF has begun! Before Jason and I left for our weekend get-a-way to New Orleans, I began taking my daily Lupron injections... fun! Honestly though, they are not bad at all. I use the same needle that diabetics do for their insulin - so if all the people with diabetes can do it everyday - I guess I can do it for a few short weeks! So we start stims tomorrow!! Everything has been going so incredibly smoothly this time around! No unexpected cysts or low estrogen levels - everything has been perfect! (knock on wood!)

The egg retrieval is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday, October 28th, but of course everything depends on estrogen levels, follicle counts and sizes - so it could be a day or so before or after the 28th :) I am getting so excited! Things seem so different this time around. I attribute this to many different reasons... 1) we've done it before and know what to expect 2) I am working and school keeps me very busy and distracted 3) I have 100% turned everything over to God, all my fears and all my hopes and prayers - it's all in His hands - and that has taken such a load off of me!

If things continue to go well and on schedule, we would be looking at a November 2nd, day 5 transfer and pregnancy test on November 11th. Hopefully we will be welcoming a new baby or babies around July 20th 2010 :)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Show us your life Friday: wedding & reception! (better late than never.)

So, a co-worker of mine joined this "blog party" were all the girls share their pictures of their wedding and reception. Now, I was not apart of this "party" but I still wanted to post some pics from our big day. We got married June 9, 2007, under a beautiful trellis overlooking Town Lake in downtown Austin, TX. Our reception was next door at the Shoreline Grill. We were married a year to the day that we got engaged. So without further ado, may I present a picture story of the best day of my life...









we're

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A break in the clouds

Well, things are looking up... finally! Jason and I have worked things out to where we can stay in our house. It turns out we will still be able to refi the house, but only for 1 point below our current rate (6.7% down to 5.7%). This will only lower our mortgage by $100/mo, but the exciting part about it is that we will get a check for our escrow money and have two months of not having pay our mortgage - cha ching! This will help tremendously with paying for a new IVF cycle! We are also going to get a debt consolidation loan for our 2 credit cards so we can get those paid off hopefully before we have a baby. We also analyzed what we were spending our money on each month and holy moly - we were spending an insane amount of money eating out and on entertainment - so we are switching to the Dave Ramsey financial plan. We are giving ourselves monthly allowances for eating out, groceries and entertainment - by putting our allotted amount of cash for each category in envelopes. I gotta tell you - it was weird not pulling out the 'ol debit card at the grocery store yesterday! We are very excited about it (weird I know) and I think it is really going to work and we are going to save so much money each month! With all this money we will be saving and the extra money from escrow and not having to pay a mortgage for 2 months - I think we will be in the clear to continue onward with a new cycle.
The only thing that I am sad about is that if we get pregnant this time around - I wouldn't be due until mid June :( and I was really hoping for an earlier birth so I would have more time before having to go back to work (since I am a teacher). Who knows - maybe something great will happen and I won't have to go back to work - wishful thinking ;)
Now I am just so anxious to get everything going again. I started BCPs back up last Thursday and am waiting on the green light to start Lupron - I hate the wait! But wait is what we must do.

When it rains... it pours!

*originally written 8/2/09*

The last few days have definitely been a test of my faith - it's as if I am being tested to see just how much I can take before I break. Before finding out that we had a BFN the husband and I were trying to get our house refinanced (you see we missed out on the new home buyer rebate program and the really low interest rates - lucky us!). We were so excited that we were going to save about $250 a month off our mortgage and they were going to give us the money that was in our escrow ($6000) - we were going to use this to help pay off the little bit of debt we accrued in doing the IVF procedure (our insurance doesn't pay for anything). We cleaned the house all weekend and made it look like a model home (and it really did) - we thought for SURE that we would get the amount we were hoping for (about $15K more than what we paid 2 years ago) - I mean after all several houses comparable to ours had sold in the last 6-8 months for what we were hoping ours would appraise for - and ours was much more updated. The appraiser came and was there for all of 10 minutes. The finance place calls and says that my license is expired (I hadn't even noticed) - so I go on the day of the pregnancy test to get it renewed, only to discover that I could not because I had an outstanding ticket from 2003 that had not been paid (for failure to signal lane change if you can believe that!). Anyways, I had to go pay $400 to get that taken care of which was just awesome. Then 5 o'clock rolls around, we get our BFN and the news that our appraiser appraised our house under what we paid for it 2 years ago! What a day! You know, the tax appraisers were just here about 2 months ago and appraised it for 5 grand over what this bank appraiser did. Apparently, our lovely president screwed us again by changing the law that says that appraisers can only look at comps dating back 1 month (instead of the 6-8 months that they used to) - and wouldn't you know that there have not been any homes that have sold in our neighborhood in the past month - so he pulled comps for other neighborhood in our town - comps that were much lower that what sell in our neighborhood. So, long story short - it no longer makes sense for us to refi - so no lower rate - no saving money each month - and no escrow money. Oh, but it doesn't stop there! Yes, there is more... so the husband and I thought, well as much as we don't want to - we need to try and sell our house anyways for what we want (forget what the appraiser says) and move into a much cheaper home so that we can save the money to do another cycle. Well, apparently since our economy has totally gone to shit and the government has done a stellar job of handling the housing crisis - you can no longer get 100% financing (even if you are like us and have perfect credit) - no, no you need to have about $8000 to put down if you want to buy a new home these days. So basically, damned if you do, damned if you don't. We were looking into finance options for our next cycle - and they have a great program that allows you to borrow money and pay it off interest free for up to 18 months - which I think is what we have decided to do - but no matter which way we crunch the numbers, the only way we can afford to do it is to live at his (my husband) grandmothers house (his grandmother is in a retirement home and does not live there). This option is amazing.. if not for the fact that my brother in law just moved in there (he is 22 and just got laid off from his job and is going back to school this fall - a college kid that likes to party). So yeah - that won't be awkward or anything. Oh, and did I mention that this house is 100% 60'ed out? green shag carpet and all - solid gold dove faucet fixtures - it's classic really. I gotta tell you - if it wasn't happening to me - this whole think might be pretty comical. So... we are putting our first home together on the market on Tuesday. My husband promises that we won't be there long (8 months tops). So if we start our next cycle in the next few weeks and it works, we would move out just in time to get a new place to start our new family (debt free). And if it doesn't work... well I may just kill someone, so I'll be in prison.
I think I have lost complete faith in our government - their lack of regulating insurance companies means that we pay everything out of pocket (and get this... my husband's company does not offer insurance b/c they are a start up co. - so he signed up for BCBS - and they denied him because I have fertility issues - this insurance was for him only - I have my own - which ironically is through BCBS - but they don't cover it so I don't know what it matters anyway! asinine). They screwed us again with the tax rebate for new home buyers (we got nada), they bailed all these people out who bought homes they couldn't afford, but the people who know how to live within their means who want to refi get screwed.
It's gotta turn around sometime - I have to figure that there is a reason why we have to go through this kind of struggle - maybe it's so that once we do get everything we want we will appreciate it that much more. Here's another kicker - in church we have been doing a study of Pilgrim's Progress - and we were talking about being in the dungeon of doubt and despair (fitting I know) and how the key out is through promises (scripture) and he went on to say that it is a common misconception that the Bible says that the Lord never gives you more than you can handle - you cannot find that anywhere in the Bible - who knew - not really what you want to hear at this point. But he went on to say that the Lord never gives you more than you and He can handle - so I feel like all I can do is put all of my fear, doubt, and despair in the Lord and hope that he helps carry us through this dark time - I mean really there is not other choice but to sit around feeling sad and angry and feeling sorry for your self and you get no where with that. This group has been really helpful for me - as I really don't have anyone else to talk to that knows what we're going through (and honestly if I hear one more person tell me "Oh, the doctor said I couldn't have kids, and then I had 8, so you never know" - I think I may lose my mind. So, I just want to say thank you for letting me vent my frustrations and for all of your support - it is invaluable. We go back in tomorrow to discuss the timeline for our next cycle - so it's back on the crazy carousel for us, but the good news is our dr. said he would be very surprise if it didn't work this next time around -let's hope.

Worst Day EVER!

*originally written 7/29/09*

Well, sadly today did not go as we had hoped. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I think I already knew. It's all just so frustrating... I did everything I was supposed to, the embryos were good/excellent, my uterus looked great... I just don't understand. You do your best to prepare yourself for it - but it still feels like someone has ripped my heart out of my chest.
We are going to see the doctor tomorrow to discuss the cycle, and talk about our options. I think my husband and I have decided to get back on the horse and try it again - but I'm scared because I just don't think I can handle another negative result. And as if all of this isn't bad enough, you have the added stress of how to pay for it all... again. Any tips on how to make a quick 15 grand? If only it were that easy!

Why does this have to be so hard?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Longest 9 days of my life!

Well, we had our transfer on Monday... and the embryologist gave a picture of our little baby embryos (see photo below). Unfortunately, she told us that we did not have any viable embryos to freeze for later use :( So we kinda feel like this is our big chance, we are "putting it all on red" so to speak. Jason had to wear an awesome space suit, hat, and mask since the surgical room was very sterile. They walked me into the room and got me all strapped into the stirrups with my business there for everyone to see, and then Dr. G came in and ask us what we thought about putting 3 back instead of 2??? Uh, I'm not the doctor - you tell me? He said that there was one more good viable embryo left from the 7 that fertilized and he didn't want it to go to waste so... we have 3 little baby embryos in my uterus as we speak! The procedure was pretty painless and lasted about 10 minutes. Afterwards, I had to lay with my legs and pelvis slightly elevated for 30 minutes - but they assured me that the embryos would not fall out (even if I sneeze or laugh really hard) whew!

So now we wait... the longest 9 days of our life... until we find out our fate... pregnant or not pregnant. So in the mean time... we pray and we hope for the best.



Thursday, July 16, 2009

8 Wonderful Little Embryos!

OK- so we made it over another hurdle and are blessed with 7 or 8 wonderful, beautiful, little embryos! The doctor said that she will call me again on Saturday and let me know how they are progressing and will schedule a day 5 transfer on Monday :) I don't think it's all sunk in yet that it's really happening... I am trying not to get my hopes up too much just in case it doesn't work - but at least now I know that we have enough embryos to try again. God is good and covers us in grace. I don't know that I will be able to sleep or take a deep breath until July 29th when we take our pregnancy test. Keep us in your prayers!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

We got 10 eggs!

Well, this has been the most nerve-wracking week yet! We had 9 follicles (which is a pretty low number) but in the end we were able to get 10 good eggs, and I am just so thankful that we have any, and could not be happier with 10! Dr. G says that the egg transfer may go down as early as Saturday, but could happen on Monday. In the mean time, the eggs will be mixed with Jason's little swimmers and made into a baby cocktail :) I am just praying that all 10 eggs fertilize and become perfect little embryos! I think I will continue to be a nervous wreck until we get the results back (July 29th I think). Keep us in your prayers - we need all that we can get :)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Journey Begins

Well, we are now on day two of our Lupron injections and I must admit, I was pretty scared to give myself a shot - I hate needles! But I must say that it was really not bad at all! Which is good, considering I will need to continue taking them until July 13th! The egg retreival is currently scheduled to happen around July 14-16 (most likely the 15th)! If it happens on the 15th, the transfer should take place around July 19th! They have already given us an expected due date of April 10th - talk about your planned pregnancy!
It's hard to believe that it's really happening and that my dream of becomming a mom could actually come true! Jason has been so great and so cute, reading his expectatnt father books :) He is going to make such a great dad!

It is definitely a scary journey full of many hurdles, but God willing, we will clear each one with ease and have a happy, healthy family in the end :)

Monday, May 18, 2009

Counting my blessings

When life stresses you out, sometimes it's easy to overlook the good things in your life. In trying to become a healthier person, it is important to me to not leave out my emotional, mental and spiritual well being. With that said, I have compiled a list of reasons why I am truly blessed:

I have an amazing husband who loves me for who I am, flaws and all
I have wonderful, loving parents who have always provided me with all that I need
I have a cousin who is more like a sister to me who is generous beyond belief
I have a beautiful puppy dog who fills my life with joy and makes me laugh everyday
My husband and I have a great home in a nice neighborhood where we always feel safe
I don't worry about how I am going to pay my bills each month
I know I can call on my best friends when something is bothering me or if I just want to talk
I am healthy (relatively speaking)

The list can go on and on... but at the end of the day, sometimes you just need to remind yourself that despite what may be going on, you really are blessed.