*originally written 8/2/09*
The last few days have definitely been a test of my faith - it's as if I am being tested to see just how much I can take before I break. Before finding out that we had a BFN the husband and I were trying to get our house refinanced (you see we missed out on the new home buyer rebate program and the really low interest rates - lucky us!). We were so excited that we were going to save about $250 a month off our mortgage and they were going to give us the money that was in our escrow ($6000) - we were going to use this to help pay off the little bit of debt we accrued in doing the IVF procedure (our insurance doesn't pay for anything). We cleaned the house all weekend and made it look like a model home (and it really did) - we thought for SURE that we would get the amount we were hoping for (about $15K more than what we paid 2 years ago) - I mean after all several houses comparable to ours had sold in the last 6-8 months for what we were hoping ours would appraise for - and ours was much more updated. The appraiser came and was there for all of 10 minutes. The finance place calls and says that my license is expired (I hadn't even noticed) - so I go on the day of the pregnancy test to get it renewed, only to discover that I could not because I had an outstanding ticket from 2003 that had not been paid (for failure to signal lane change if you can believe that!). Anyways, I had to go pay $400 to get that taken care of which was just awesome. Then 5 o'clock rolls around, we get our BFN and the news that our appraiser appraised our house under what we paid for it 2 years ago! What a day! You know, the tax appraisers were just here about 2 months ago and appraised it for 5 grand over what this bank appraiser did. Apparently, our lovely president screwed us again by changing the law that says that appraisers can only look at comps dating back 1 month (instead of the 6-8 months that they used to) - and wouldn't you know that there have not been any homes that have sold in our neighborhood in the past month - so he pulled comps for other neighborhood in our town - comps that were much lower that what sell in our neighborhood. So, long story short - it no longer makes sense for us to refi - so no lower rate - no saving money each month - and no escrow money. Oh, but it doesn't stop there! Yes, there is more... so the husband and I thought, well as much as we don't want to - we need to try and sell our house anyways for what we want (forget what the appraiser says) and move into a much cheaper home so that we can save the money to do another cycle. Well, apparently since our economy has totally gone to shit and the government has done a stellar job of handling the housing crisis - you can no longer get 100% financing (even if you are like us and have perfect credit) - no, no you need to have about $8000 to put down if you want to buy a new home these days. So basically, damned if you do, damned if you don't. We were looking into finance options for our next cycle - and they have a great program that allows you to borrow money and pay it off interest free for up to 18 months - which I think is what we have decided to do - but no matter which way we crunch the numbers, the only way we can afford to do it is to live at his (my husband) grandmothers house (his grandmother is in a retirement home and does not live there). This option is amazing.. if not for the fact that my brother in law just moved in there (he is 22 and just got laid off from his job and is going back to school this fall - a college kid that likes to party). So yeah - that won't be awkward or anything. Oh, and did I mention that this house is 100% 60'ed out? green shag carpet and all - solid gold dove faucet fixtures - it's classic really. I gotta tell you - if it wasn't happening to me - this whole think might be pretty comical. So... we are putting our first home together on the market on Tuesday. My husband promises that we won't be there long (8 months tops). So if we start our next cycle in the next few weeks and it works, we would move out just in time to get a new place to start our new family (debt free). And if it doesn't work... well I may just kill someone, so I'll be in prison.
I think I have lost complete faith in our government - their lack of regulating insurance companies means that we pay everything out of pocket (and get this... my husband's company does not offer insurance b/c they are a start up co. - so he signed up for BCBS - and they denied him because I have fertility issues - this insurance was for him only - I have my own - which ironically is through BCBS - but they don't cover it so I don't know what it matters anyway! asinine). They screwed us again with the tax rebate for new home buyers (we got nada), they bailed all these people out who bought homes they couldn't afford, but the people who know how to live within their means who want to refi get screwed.
It's gotta turn around sometime - I have to figure that there is a reason why we have to go through this kind of struggle - maybe it's so that once we do get everything we want we will appreciate it that much more. Here's another kicker - in church we have been doing a study of Pilgrim's Progress - and we were talking about being in the dungeon of doubt and despair (fitting I know) and how the key out is through promises (scripture) and he went on to say that it is a common misconception that the Bible says that the Lord never gives you more than you can handle - you cannot find that anywhere in the Bible - who knew - not really what you want to hear at this point. But he went on to say that the Lord never gives you more than you and He can handle - so I feel like all I can do is put all of my fear, doubt, and despair in the Lord and hope that he helps carry us through this dark time - I mean really there is not other choice but to sit around feeling sad and angry and feeling sorry for your self and you get no where with that. This group has been really helpful for me - as I really don't have anyone else to talk to that knows what we're going through (and honestly if I hear one more person tell me "Oh, the doctor said I couldn't have kids, and then I had 8, so you never know" - I think I may lose my mind. So, I just want to say thank you for letting me vent my frustrations and for all of your support - it is invaluable. We go back in tomorrow to discuss the timeline for our next cycle - so it's back on the crazy carousel for us, but the good news is our dr. said he would be very surprise if it didn't work this next time around -let's hope.